I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
