so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
