Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
