I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
