When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize