I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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