U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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