So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
