Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
