What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
