You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
