But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
