so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
