my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
