Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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