In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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