Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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