His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
