haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
