I'm going to jail i love you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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