All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
