She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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