guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
