what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
