I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
