First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
