Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Green mimosas i think yes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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