When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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