who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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