he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
