This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
