yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
