So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
