the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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