If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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