your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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