when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
