I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
