So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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