"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you would pick up someone in the library
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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