I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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