i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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