I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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