she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Randomize
