I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
