Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
