I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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