Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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