I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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