ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize