forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize