His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
