she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
