I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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