I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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