im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
