He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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