Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
