we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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