1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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