she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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