I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
