just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i drank out of a bidet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
