Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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