Swine flu. Run for my life!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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