well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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