The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
