I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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